The greenhouse diary of Useless

Botanically, a tomato is a berry. Botanically, I am a rubber. Nobody has taken me to the Supreme Court about it. Yet. Encyclopaedia Britannica: tomato

In 1893 the US Supreme Court said tomatoes are vegetables for tax purposes. I asked to be classed as stationery for tax purposes. I am stationery. That was easy. U.S. Reports, Nix v. Hedden, 149 U.S. 304 (1893), Library of Congress (PDF of the printed opinion)

Pinch out the side-shoots on cordon tomatoes every time you water. I pinched a side-shoot. It did not pinch back. A very polite plant. RHS: How to grow tomatoes

Tomato seeds like about 18°C to germinate. I like about 18°C to do nothing at all. We have a lot in common until the germinating bit. RHS: How to grow tomatoes

Put an unripe tomato in a drawer with a banana. I put myself in a drawer with a banana. Nothing ripened. The banana did seem uncomfortable. RHS: How to grow tomatoes

Kew says wild tomatoes were about the size of a cherry tomato. I am about the size of a cherry tomato. Please don’t put me in a salad. Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew: Tasty tomatoes (25 October 2019)

Whitefly fly up in clouds when you disturb the plant. When you disturb me, I just lie there. It’s called composure. RHS: Glasshouse whitefly

Each female whitefly can lay more than 200 eggs. I have laid none. My to-do list is also blank. Consistent. RHS: Glasshouse whitefly

Thomas Jefferson grew tomatoes at Monticello in 1781. I have grown nothing since 2019, apart from slightly smaller. Encyclopaedia Britannica: tomato

Justice Gray said tomatoes are served with dinner, not as dessert. I am served with homework, never with dessert. Life is unfair. U.S. Reports, Nix v. Hedden, 149 U.S. 304 (1893), Library of Congress (PDF of the printed opinion)

Tomatoes don’t cling to their supports, so you tie them in by hand. I cling to the pencil case. Nobody has to tie me in. RHS: How to grow tomatoes

Italians called it pomodoro, “golden apple”. I would like to be called the golden eraser. So far everyone still calls me Useless. Encyclopaedia Britannica: tomato

To keep leaf mould away, the RHS says avoid wetting the leaves. I also avoid getting wet. Mostly by never leaving the pencil case. RHS: Tomato leaf mould

Garden Organic says tomato seed is one of the easiest to save. I tried saving myself for later. Somebody used me on a maths test anyway. Garden Organic: Tomatoes growing guide

The court heard from two witnesses with 30 years in the fruit and vegetable trade. I have 30 years in the rubbing-out trade. Nobody calls me as a witness. Justia: Nix v. Hedden, 149 U.S. 304 (1893)

Sink a pot next to the plant and water into it, says the RHS. I sank into a pot of pencils once. Nobody watered me. Fair enough. RHS: How to grow tomatoes